Modesty: More Than a Hemline

by Kelsey Reed

LDS.org defines modesty as "an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior." Notice that only half of the list is related to physical appearance. Modesty is much more than the length of a hemline. Modesty is an encompassing attitude in which we avoid anything crass, vulgar, suggestive, or harmful for the presence of the Spirit.

Our words should be modest by keeping our conversations uplifting and clean. Our actions should show modesty by only participating in things that are positive, saying no to anything we know is wrong. And as you already know, our appearance should reflect our modest attitude. By focusing on all aspects of modesty, you will cultivate the right kind of attitude that shows gratitude to God and brings more happiness into your life.

Why is modesty so important? When we are modest, we don't try to draw attention to ourselves, instead we try to "glorify God in [our] body, and in [our] spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:20). Heavenly Father created our spirits. He made it possible for us to have bodies. The best thing we can do to show gratitude for such a tremendous gift is to use our bodies for good, not to glorify ourselves. 

While trying to cultivate a modest attitude, question your motivation. Are you doing this to make yourself look better in some way, be it cute or cool or funny? Or will your actions help others or show obedience to God?

This can be difficult to do. I don't spend every moment of the day asking myself these questions. I easily get caught up in doing whatever is easiest for me. But the smallest change can make a world of difference.     

         

For women, one of the more difficult aspects of modesty involves clothing. In general, women's fashion falls farther away from the Lord's standards of modesty than men's. It can be downright difficult to find modest clothing, especially when summer rolls around.

So why do we bother? Besides the gratitude and obedience reasons mentioned above, the Lord's standards are set for a specific reason: to prepare us for the temple. In the temple we take on sacred covenants and wear special garments to remind us of these promises. Garments for both men and women cover the shoulders, stomach, back and thighs. Sound familiar? It's identical to the standards our prophets have set out for the youth.

By keeping these standards of dress as a teenager, you show that you are ready for the temple. Temple work allows us to return to Heavenly Father and live with our families forever. In that light, modest clothing takes on much greater importance.

I want to mention one reason that shouldn't influence whether or not you choose to dress modestly. I have heard many well meaning people claim that women should dress modestly to help men control their thoughts. This is a dangerous line of reasoning because it ignores agency.

The gift of choice is one of the most precious and important gifts God has given us. To say that a person is responsible for another's thoughts ignores this. Thinking like this can lead to situations where women are blamed for the actions of others. One such story involved an eight year old girl who was harassed on her way to school, called terrible names by adults who claimed they were upholding God's standards. Many women who have been sexually assault have been accused of dressing provocatively, as if their attackers have no accountability for their own actions. This sort of mentality leads to women being blamed for another's bad behavior regardless of whether or not she is covered from head to toe.

Along those same lines, we should be careful not to judge other for their clothing choices. Many do now know about God's standards. Others may have lost their way and need love and understanding in order to find their back. Focus on what you can control: yourself.

We are lucky to have the guidance of the Lord through his prophets and the Spirit. As you work to build a modest attitude through your words, actions, and appearance, you will be more open to the influence of the Holy Ghost and God will bless your efforts. I know that when I try to focus on glorying God instead of myself, I find greater happiness than I ever could on my own.

(From our May 2014 issue)